Have you ever answered someone’s question and heard them respond, “Oh, that’s not exactly what I meant…”?
We aren’t typically great listeners so we often think we know exactly what someone is asking, jump to a conclusion, and begin to formulate our answer before the person has even put the question mark on their sentence. Additionally, as personal leaders we often erroneously believe that we must know all the answers to challenges or questions, but in today’s business world of high-speed change, that’s actually impossible. We have two choices as a leader. We can act like we know it all and try to make the best decision possible, or we can start to ask more questions of our coworkers and our team.
Whether you are conversing with a client, boss, coworker, child, spouse, or stranger, developing the skill of asking clarifying questions as well as questions that challenge others before you answer is a communication tool that serves to not only target your eventual answer but also to demonstrate mutual respect and interest.
Good questions can generate clarity, thought, focus, and even action from the listener. While a recent study showed that 95% of leaders prefer to be asked questions rather than be told what to do, the same group gave direct instructions and answers 58% of the time rather than asking questions or asking for input from coworkers.
I see it all the time, and I catch myself doing it often! I see speakers take a question from their audience and immediately answer it without ever stopping to clarifying anything, and they often only realize the mistake when the participant clarifies in a follow-up question. In analyzing mystery shopper calls, we often hear direct and immediate answers to patients’ questions on price, insurance, and availability before one additional question has been asked. We constantly observe leaders being presented with a problem and solving it personally without ever once involving the team member in the discussion or decision-making process and, then (worse yet!), wondering why that same employee continues to come to them with solvable problems.
Just Ask Leadership is a title I heard to describe leaders who have mastered the skill of growing and leading others with smart and appropriate questions. They can be as simple as “What have you already tried?” “What is your gut telling you?” or “What is holding you back from making a decision?”
Even for straightforward client questions like, “How white will my teeth get if I use this whitening product?” consider one more clarifying question such as, “They’ll definitely get whiter, but how white were you hoping to get them?” The answer that they give will determine how you explain the benefits of your product. We’ve concluded that patients’ answers are often split between wanting their teeth to be very “natural looking” and “as white as I can get them!” Very different approaches. Very different answers.
This week, practice the art of asking more questions. Try not answering every question immediately but rather experiment with asking just one more clarifying question before you do and watch how much easier it becomes to hit the target with your answers and/or to grow your teammates’ ability to co-create solutions.
“We get wise by asking questions, and even if these are not answered, we get wise, for a well-packed question carries its answer on its back as a snail carries its shell.”
~ James Stevens
