Someone recently asked me what was different about my current marriage and its success in relation to my previous marriage which ended in divorce. I didn’t have to think long about my answer: communication. The difference is in the quality of it, the timing of it, and the intention and discipline of it. And it’s not that different when I think about having or creating solid relationships at work. The principles are very much the same.
If you want to have less drama and more productivity and ease at work, spend some time developing your communication skills with your team. Here are a few rules I try to live by both at work and at home:
- Ask for what you want and need. People aren’t mind readers. Even if we give them the cold shoulder or the “evil eye,” they will likely misread or misunderstand it. And don’t spend time on what you don’t want. Frame it in terms of what you do want.
- Assume the best in others. Most people have good intentions, even if their behavior or words are hurtful, irritating, or take other negative forms. Be honest, but always be kind. If you speak clearly and kindly, I have found you can speak about what’s on your mind.
- Go directly to the source and always speak about others in an honoring way (or just don’t speak of them or engage in the conversation with others about them at all). If you need to communicate something, have the courage and a commitment to the person you aspire to be to go directly to the source. If you’re not going to them directly, ask yourself, “Why not?” There is often gold in the answer for you. Only that person can help you fix the issue or learn from the mistake.
- Be genuinely curious and listen well. Before you speak (or dare I say, before you lecture others), listen to their point of view and listen in the way the other person needs, not the way you need. This is called compassionate listening and is done by asking more questions like, “What do you need?” or “Can you help me understand?”
We would all want others to treat us with these same principles and actions, wouldn’t we? Then let’s go first, even before they do. Let’s take pride in being the bigger person and wanting more for ourselves, those we love and care about, and others in the world. There are many more principles than these four to help us become great communicators, teammates, partners, and leaders, but these are definitely a GREAT start!
“A caring heart that listens is often more valued than an intelligent mind.”
~ James Newell
