Do you sometimes feel you’re spinning in a never-ending destructive communication cycle with certain people? We all have, and we all will, until we understand how to recognize where we’re stuck and how to respond in a way that breaks us and the other person out of the cycle. In 1968, San Francisco psychiatrist, Stephen B. Karpman developed a social …
Endorsing Excellence
What we don’t address, we endorse. Many leaders have lately commented to me that they are afraid to have a “courageous conversation” with someone on their team because they fear that if the conversation does not go well, they may lose the person and not be able to replace them for many months. Some feel their businesses could not afford …
Me TOO!
We all talk, but I talk for a living. I’m a speaker, trainer, and coach, and that’s what I do. I talk. Good thing that I love to talk. I always have—just ask my parents, teachers, kids, and spouse. Lucky me, they are really good listeners. I was the kid with my hand up in class. I was always the …
The Clarity Challenge
I’ve been doing an official experiment over the past year with client teams. I ask a simple question, one for which everyone thinks there is a clear, simple, and straightforward answer, one which it would only make sense that every employee could answer quickly and definitively. The question: What time is on time? In other words, what is the exact …
Nurturing the Narrative
I have some really brilliant friends. Truly brilliant. Whenever I spend time with them, I’m reminded of how lucky I am to learn from them, grow with them, and have them in my life. One such friend, Deb Berecz, has been my bestie and a solid light in my life since 5th grade. Deb is an experienced collaborative family law …
Conflict Done Right
If we’re honest, most of us hate conflict. We either gear up for an uncomfortable fight, or we avoid it altogether. I think conflict gets a bad rap. I believe conflict feels uncomfortable to us because we’ve blindly adopted an old definition of it from parents, co-workers, friends, and society in general. We look at it through the frame we’ve …
The Drama Triangle vs. the Empowerment Triangle
You may have heard of the “Drama Triangle.” It was initially introduced by a psychiatrist named Stephen Karpman in the 1960’s as a “social model of human interaction” to demonstrate unproductive patterns of relating when conflicts arise. Each point of the inverted triangle represents one of three “faces of drama”: The persecutor (constantly finding fault and placing blame), the victim …
Words That Matter
Whether in a one-to-one conversation, video, email, text, social media post, or group presentation, what we say matters. Everything from body language and non-verbal communication to our word choice creates an image and perception in the minds of our intended listeners. As leaders, we want our message to land with strength, clarity, and persuasion. I’ve written several Stretches over the …
Oh, hey… Remember Me?
My son, Austin, is doing well after a decade of struggles. During those hard years, he would go “dark,” meaning I would not hear from him for weeks on end— a mother’s nightmare. Thankfully, as he has healed and found success in life, that has gotten a lot better. And yet, no matter how often he picks up the phone …
Empathy First
Courageous Conversations (as we call them at LionSpeak) often involve confronting someone about a behavior that you’d like them to change. When I coach people on having these conversations, I ask them to empathize with the person whom they are confronting. And they say things like, “I’m not going to feel sorry for her. She knows when our morning meeting …
