Sometimes, people will do things because they have to even if they don’t really want to, often to avoid a negative outcome.
Teenagers will put their seat belts on, not because they want to or because they feel it will keep them safe but so they won’t get a ticket.
A team member adds one more thing to their daily task list, not because they want to but because they want to get a nagging manager off their back.
When we do things to avoid a negative outcome or just because someone else wants us to, we often feel resentment and do the task begrudgingly.
However, when we decide to do something because we see it as a path to a positive outcome and to getting what we want for ourselves, everything changes. We embrace the challenge and work through the messiness and stressfulness of change.
Great leaders and professionals know how to use this dynamic to their advantage when requesting a change in behavior, skills, or tasks. They know that people will embrace the changes we want them to make more enthusiastically and with a more determined effort if we help them attach that change to getting something they want versus something we want.
One of the communication phrases that helps us do this is, “so that.”
“I’d like you to lead our discussion at the team meeting about how we might run more on time,” is all about what you want.
“I’d like you to lead our discussion at the team meeting about how we might run more on time so that we get you out on time to teach your yoga class 3 days a week,” includes a benefit for them, shining a spotlight on what’s in it for them.
This week, when you make a request of someone else, experiment with adding the phrase “so that” to help the person connect what you want with what they want.
Remember, people do things more enthusiastically if they believe it will get them something they want. “So that” will help them see the connection.
“To get what you want, help others get what they want.”
~ Zig Ziglar
