Recently, I settled into what felt like a perfect flight—it left on time, I had a good seat, and the Wi-Fi was working splendidly. It was a perfect flight except for the flight attendant. She seemed rushed (where did she have to go?) and smiled in a way which made me feel she was doing it despite a bad case of indigestion. As she stuck a box of unhealthy snacks into our row, I was waiting for my seat mates to make their selection when she looked at me and said, “Take what you want. I can’t get the box any closer to you.” My seat mate raised his eyebrows. But then later, I saw her (with the same pained expression) be incredibly kind to someone. I wondered if she knew how she was perceived or if she had any clue of her impact on others.
We are constantly having a negative, positive, or neutral impact on each person with whom we interact. The question is whether we are doing it consciously or unconsciously.
Someone once told me that the truth of my communication is the response I get, meaning that I might think I’m being friendly or clear or inspiring or convincing but if people don’t perceive it, I wasn’t successfully communicating. There is so much to be gained personally if you can figure out how to have maximum positive impact on those around you. They cooperate with you, champion your ideas, open doors, try new things, trust you, respect and believe you IF you are effective with your personal impact. This is not a power-play kind of thing; it’s a question of influence.
If you want to have a positive and productive impact on those closest to you—coworkers, employees, clients, loved ones, or even an audience—then you must have an awareness of how you are perceived, not how you think you are being perceived or how you think you should be perceived. This means that honest feedback is an essential element in any leader’s toolkit. But, you must create the opportunities and the environment for people to give you that feedback, or you’ll never get it.
This week, notice how others react to you and how many times their reaction surprises you or disappoints you. In that space of heightened awareness, we have amazing opportunity for growth and expansion. This will be an inside out job, and I know you’re up for it!
“The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.”
~ Ken Blanchard
