Faults and Forgiveness

Last week, I received a blog from my colleague, Joan Garbo, and was blown away by the beautiful way in which she expresses the idea of “work-ability” and the value of treating others as you’d want to be treated… especially when it comes to forgiveness and seeking the best in our teammates. This is a strong tenant of LionSpeak leadership and something we teach at our Leaders of the Pride Workshop.

If you’d like to transform your team into competent leaders and mature communicators or learn how to coach others to their full potential, please consider joining us near Cincinnati, Ohio on May 9-10 or in San Diego, CA on November 12-13. If you already teach leadership or any other set of skills and would like to learn how to help your attendees or coachees attain more mastery, consider attending our Transformational Trainer’s Workshop in Costa Mesa, CA on April 10-11 at the CareCredit Headquarters.

With Joan’s permission, I’m sharing her wisdom and beautiful post with all of our loyal LionSpeak subscribers this week. Thank you, Joan, for reminding us all of how to look through fresh eyes, remain humble, and to BE the change we wish to see.

“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an old adage that has application broader than as a guide to yard sale shopping. In fact, it’s in the labeling of ‘trash’ or ‘treasure’ that determines the value of something, rather than the thing itself. In other words, ‘beauty lives in the eye of the beholder,’ another wise adage which points to the power that the speaker has, whether the speaker realizes it or not.

And therein lies the rub. While you may think someone is an idiot, someone else thinks s/he is brilliant. You think someone is unattractive while someone else finds him/her beautiful. While you can’t stand to be around him/her, someone else yearns to be with him/her 24-7.

In these cases (and more!) no one is right and no one is wrong! You are not hired to like everyone; you were hired to collaborate, cooperate and get along as a team to produce the best result in the most efficient way possible. In the same way, you also don’t get to choose which patients/customers you like or don’t like and then treat them according to your tastes. The boss/doctor/owner chooses with whom s/he will do business and your job is to provide service at the level promised.

With that being said, I don’t mean to imply that you should accept, tolerate or endorse anyone being disrespectful, unappreciative, domineering or other negative or abusive behavior from others. People who operate that one-sidedly actually comprise less than 10% of all the people with whom you come in contact. (A subject for another time.) What I do mean is that when you have ‘personality clashes,’ especially those with whom you work or need to get along, remember those people have as much difficulty getting along with you as you have with them. They see your faults easier than they see your gifts; they get as annoyed with you as you do with them. It’s like looking in a weird mirror that reflects your feelings rather than your image.

I can count on the fact that you want to be seen in your best light and to have your faults and shortcomings overlooked or forgiven. And so do they. Now, you can wait for the other person to step up and forgive first, but I believe that the world needs fewer spectators and more heroes who are willing to take the risk and ‘save the day.’ What’s actually at risk is ego; what’s at stake is peace, harmony and at the very least work-ability. As Dr. Phil (McGraw) often says, “You can be right or you can be happy!”

The first step in creating more work-ability is to forgive as you want to be forgiven, and to view the other person through the eyes of that person’s loved ones rather than your own. The second step is to have a facilitated communication meeting in which both of you make respectful requests of each other. For instance, “I request that when you want me to do something that takes me away from what I am working on, you first ask me if I have the time to talk, and then make a request rather than give me an order.”

No one is perfect. We all have assets and faults. Look for and speak to the highest in each other and forgive the rest!   ~Joan Garbo, March 11, 2019

“The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest.
And the first to forget is the happiest.”
~Lea Griffith

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