Ditch the “Sandwich”!

My first experience leading a team was at my only job outside of the dental and healthcare industries. In the mid-1980s, I took the role as the marketing manager for Callaway Winery in Temecula, CA. I had a small team of 5 people, and we were tasked with retail marketing in grocery stores and wine shops, restaurant marketing, label design and production, press releases and wine writer relations as well as the wine club and public event calendar at the winery itself. There were a bunch of moving parts, tight deadlines, and, for me, lots to learn.

One of the first management techniques I was taught for tough conversations was called “The Sandwich Approach.” This feedback model went something like this:  share one good thing you appreciate about the person, followed by the thing you want them to work on or correct, and then conclude with another good piece of feedback. In other words, “sandwich” the “meat” of the feedback between two pieces of (less useful) positive ones.  It sounded like a great process, but it somehow never seemed to work for me.

Looking back, I believe the problem was we weren’t fooling anybody. The only part people really heard or remembered was the critical “meat” of the message, and they typically discarded the rest as being patronizing or an attempt to butter them up.

Today, after many years of leading and coaching teams, I now know there is a better, more genuine way to provide essential feedback. We call it the A.R.C.H. method.

First let me say that real, genuine, in-the-moment positive affirmation of a job well done, a goal accomplished, real progress made, or conquering or managing a challenge is something every person not only enjoys and appreciates but often craves. Don’t give it only as part of softening a real piece of critical feedback. Give it right when it is earned and deserved, in real time, and as often as humanly possible. Think of it as turning your appreciation radar on and putting positive deposits in the emotional bank account of your teammates.

Then, when it’s time for some critical feedback or a courageous conversation about an unmet expectation, mistake, or failure to meet objectives, consider this simple framework to structure your talk.

Begin by setting the context for what you’d like to discuss, and, then, before you offer your perspective or give any critical feedback, check in with the person about how they are feeling about the issue. This allows you to assess the “gap” between how you view the situation and how they do.

Then step into this framework:

A = Apologize, Appreciate, Agreement, “And” (vs. “But”)

Leaders should always demonstrate how to take responsibility for any part of the breakdown that falls on them such as not being clear enough about an expectation, not providing enough support or adequate training, or perhaps not checking in with them sooner. Be sure not to connect this apology with the word “but.” Rather, use the word “and” to move on to any related item that you do appreciate about them in relation to the subject at hand. Also, look for where the two of you might agree on the subject before you move into areas where you might have some disagreement.

For example, “Sara, I want to take responsibility for not being clear about what “on time” to work means. We’ve always said it was 7:45, but that is actually when our morning meeting begins so clocking in at 7:40 is more accurate. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear enough about that expectation. Also, one of the things I most appreciate about you is when you are here at our full morning meeting, you contribute such important information about our patients, and it shows the depth of relationship you have with them. I love that about you and want to tap into it more often. Sara, would you agree that when we are all here on time and we start our morning meeting at 7:45 sharp, those mornings tend to run smoother and more efficiently?”

R = Resolution or Request

This is where you must restate an expectation, request a different behavior, or negotiate a new or improved resolution. Here, it is important to be straightforward, clear, specific, and non-judgmental. It is critical to remember, and even reinforce, that you respect they are “at choice” and are not being forced to do anything. Rather, your role is to make the choices clear and encourage a decision that it right for them and for you.

C = Clarify

Before you leave the conversation, be sure to confirm and restate the specifics of the new agreement. Far too many great conversations end up with no measurable change because this step was skipped and both parties left the conversation with different understandings of the next steps and new agreement. Always schedule a specific follow-up.

H = Hope

This is the bow on the talk. Take a moment to express gratitude for their willingness to have this conversation or maybe for the willingness to see it through even though it was contentious or difficult. Also, express optimism for your new or renewed agreement. End on a note of hope for a better future.

I would have been a far better manager at Callaway if I had known this process back then.  I’m grateful for it now and use it almost daily in my professional and personal life. This week, look for opportunities to practice a new, refreshed way of managing hard talks. I think you’ll find they don’t have to be as hard as we think and can improve things more quickly than we ever imagined.

“Constructive feedback is a leadership gift and the driver of organizational and behavioral change.”

~ Peter F. Gallagher