Crisis Versus Drama

This week, I’d like to talk about the distinction between crisis and drama, because I think it is important.

Tom and I used to live on a small ranch out in the country which was nestled just off a busy highway and just past a curve on which there was a great cowboy bar and burger joint called the Stagecoach Inn. It was wonderful to be able to walk from our house or take a ride in our 4×4 up to the Stagecoach whenever we wanted a cold beer or a good old greasy burger and fries. But, it also came with a big negative. Fairly routinely, people would be pulling out of the Stagecoach and onto the highway on this sharp blind curve only to be hit by an oncoming car.  It happened countless times while we lived there, so much so that since we’ve moved, they’ve put a flashing yellow light on that curve.

One day, I was in the house all by myself, fully engrossed in a client Zoom call, when my focus and concentration was abruptly shattered by the tell-tale sounds of screeching tires, blaring horns, and then… the crash. Several crashes actually, one right after the other. I could feel in my gut that this was a bad one. I quickly told my client that I would have to call him back, and he graciously understood.

Sure enough, as I ran outside, I could see through the smoke and dust several cars at all kinds of strange angles and directions scattered on the roadside, and no one was moving. I broke into a full run toward the car nearest to me and was able to see two people in the front seat. When I looked through the windows, they were moving but bloody. I wrenched open the passenger door to find an elderly woman who was dazed, whimpering, and thankfully still buckled in with her seat belt. I unbuckled her, and she slid into my arms. I settled her on the ground and began speaking with her, attempting to reassure her, as I simultaneously dialed 911. Soon, the driver, a younger woman, got out on her own and walked around to help.

No one died that day. Lots of kind people stopped to help the other passengers, and though cars were totaled and lots of folks were bruised and battered, everyone survived.

If we’re talking about the difference between a moment of crisis and a moment of drama, this was definitely a moment of crisis. I had to stop what I was doing, even with a paying client, to respond immediately to the life-threatening situation. It demanded my complete and instant attention. I’ve had other types of experiences like these in my life, and I bet many of you have, too, but they are rare.

However, for some people, crisis seems to happen on a regular, if not daily basis—at work, at home, in life. For many who live in this chronic state of crisis, I find they are actually creating drama and calling it crisis.

In my experience, many things which appear as a crisis aren’t. Often, they are just a severely agitated person living out high levels of drama, all the while thinking it is a crisis requiring immediate attention. The building is not burning down, but you wouldn’t know it by their behavior, energy, and tone.

I believe there are some people (maybe a lot of people) who travel through life moving from one self-described crisis to another. They have built their identity on this journey. Sadly, they don’t know who they are outside of a crisis. They find themselves always playing either the hero, the victim, or the martyr (or maybe all three). If this is you, or someone you know, I’d like to suggest a better way.

Here are three easy tips to help you move from the drama-filled zone to the drama-free zone:

• If something is chronic, it’s not a crisis. If you can predict it, it doesn’t need drama. For example, if your family always heats up with nasty fights over politics, that’s not a crisis. It’s chronic, and you can predict it. You can choose not to get drawn into the drama. You have a choice. You are the creator of your experience.
• Fix it or leave it. Are you having an issue with a co-worker? Instead of being sucked into the drama, get some coaching on how to fix it. Getting the cold shoulder from your spouse? Take a different approach to gain more understanding and perspective.
• Pack your bags and move into the Drama-Free Zone. Trust me on this. You can lead a drama-free life. You don’t have to move from crisis to crisis and struggle with all that constant turmoil. It’s not perfect, but it is beautiful over here in the drama-free zone. In here, if it’s predictable or chronic, we don’t engage. In here, if it matters to us, we move to fix it by fixing ourselves first. In here, we’re not willing to give up our peace and happiness to anyone or anything. In here, we will respond the best way we can to a true crisis, but we do not live in constant drama.

You don’t have to either. Come and join us. It’s so much more fun in here.

“Drama does not just walk into our lives. Either we create it, invite it, or associate with it.”

~ Brandi L. Bates, Remains to Be Seen