If we’re honest, most of us hate conflict. We either gear up for an uncomfortable fight, or we avoid it altogether. I think conflict gets a bad rap. I believe conflict feels uncomfortable to us because we’ve blindly adopted an old definition of it from parents, co-workers, friends, and society in general. We look at it through the frame we’ve …
A Call for Love
I recently heard someone say that how people act demonstrates whether they are receiving love or putting out a call for love. When I consider this in terms of behavior and communication, I think it just might be spot on. Think about the last time you experienced someone “acting out”— a teenager, a spouse, an audience member, a team member, …
From the Top
“My job is to report it, not to fix it. That’s my manager’s job. That’s why she gets paid the big bucks!” This was the reply I received when I asked a client’s team member if she would be open to some coaching about how to solve a conflict with one of her co-workers. Simultaneously, her manager had complained to …
Don’t Pick Up the Rope
“Yes, you did!” “No, I didn’t!” “I know I’m right.” “Well, I know you’re NOT right.” “That’s not true.” “Yes, it IS true.” Ever been there? I have—recently! I call it the spin cycle—round and round and round we go, a cat chasing its tail with a frustrating inability to actually catch it. None of us go into an argument …
Courageous Conversations for Life
I bet you’ve heard the statement, “Leave your personal life at the door.” Wouldn’t it be nice if it was just that easy? I agree that a business environment requires whatever is going on for us personally to be manageable enough to allow us to conduct ourselves professionally with clients, patients, and our team—or we should stay home. But we …
When Emotions Highjack Our Logic
Disclaimer: My husband is a saint. While I did ask Tom’s permission to recount the following story to all of you… if you ever meet him, please thank him for his willingness to submit himself frequently to my weekly messages and for contributing greatly to our continued mutual and communal learning. Some weeks, it just has to be hard to …
Perhaps Love
My colleague, Paul Homoly, once told me that my message, speech, and offerings on any subject would get better once I wrote a book on it. Already a published author, he knew from experience that the rigorous process of organizing your thoughts, proving the argument, providing a clear process, and inspiring the reader to action is required for a well-written book. The …
Calm Under Pressure
I believe people’s true colors are revealed when they find themselves under real pressure. I once watched a grown man on a boat in heavy seas, who was in a full-on panic, push a small child out of the way to get himself to safety. Another time, I stood in disbelief as a small argument between two people in a restaurant turned …
Positive Conflict
“I hate conflict, and I avoid it at all costs. It’s just how I’m wired. So I guess I just have to put up with it.” This was a statement made to me recently by a team member who was struggling in her job with someone who, in her opinion, was an overbearing supervisor. I believe this statement and belief …
When they go up, we come down
There have been countless moments in my life when someone or something triggered a big emotion within me. And that emotion always spawned an even bigger, often immediate, reaction from me. Most of those, I have later regretted. We are currently living in one of the most collectively stressful times in the last 50 years, and everywhere people’s reactions are demonstrating the …
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