According to behavioral scientists, researchers, and psychologists, there are 11 phrases that we should ditch from our vocabulary if we want to sound, feel, and be experienced as more confident and positive.
Here they are in no particular order:
Don’t say: I can’t do that.
Do say: I can try to do that.
We might not do it but trying our best is all most people are looking for.
Don’t say: It’s not fair.
Do say: I can deal with it anyway!
Spoiler alert: Life is not fair for any of us. Repeating that negative mantra just keeps us beaten down and solves nothing. Learning to positively deal with whatever life throws us is one of the most productive and life-enhancing skills we could ever master.
Don’t say: Why is this happening to me?
Do say: What am I learning from this?
Similar to #2, this takes us from victim to victor. We can always find the good in difficult times.
Don’t say: It’s never going to change.
Do say: I can change the way I approach this.
This is the simple but profound movement from passive to active in our thoughts and speech. It’s a shift that changes everything for the better. If it can’t be changed, then we can and should change the way we think about it.
Don’t say: I have to do that.
Do say: I get to do that.
This turns an obligation into an opportunity. It also moves us from a victim mentality to one of positive, personal choice.
Don’t say: I should do that.
Do say: I will do that. (Or I won’t do that, depending on your choice.)
We’re the decision maker in our life. We decide what we will and won’t do. There is no need to bend to the pressure of others unless we believe it is in our best interest. Also, making false promises to ourselves or anyone else doesn’t do any good so let’s decide for ourselves if we’re ready to commit.
Don’t say: I never should have…
Do say: Because I did that, I now know…
It’s a reframing of the negative to the positive. What did that mistake or error teach us?
Don’t say: I failed.
Do say: That attempt didn’t work.
We didn’t make the sale. We didn’t get the promotion. We all have failures, but there will be new opportunities. Creating a new story about our failures ensures that we are open and available for them.
Don’t say: This is too complicated.
Do say: I don’t understand this right now.
Each of us is a work in progress. Change the narrative, change your life.
These next two are ones to just simply avoid altogether!
Don’t say: If only I had done…
We don’t have to articulate every thought we have. Sometimes it’s better to leave them unspoken rather than continue to breathe life into them. We all have our “if only” moments in life, but it’s just dead-end thinking. Learn from the past and move on.
Don’t say: “Never” or “Always” (and be careful with “everyone” and “no one” too)
Avoid sweeping absolutes altogether! Rarely are these generalizations and absolutes accurate. Speak specifically or take a step back and put things into perspective. Successful people are able to look at things objectively.
This week, practice changing statements that hold you back to ones that make you and everyone around you feel more positive and much more confident.
“A single sentence spoken at the right time, in the right place, by the right person could change someone’s life forever.”
~ Sevenly.org
